I think that Swofford had mental problems before he went to the war and it continue after he left. The war did not change him mentally.He was upset that he did not kill anyone during the war for him means that he fail himself and the country. That this would make him look weak among the other soldiers.That if he survive the war he has no real stories to bring back with him.
I think he had a conflicted soul. Some days he felt strongly about his views on the war and some days he oppose his views on killing soldiers.
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